Since we've established that rambling is my thing, here's the next rant.
Relationships are supposed to make you feel good about yourself, not weigh you down. A very common question boys get asked - "is she high maintenance?". Well, it turns out maintenance is not confined to romantic relationships but exists in friendships and others too. So for the purpose of this post, when I say relationship I only mean with friends or relatives or colleagues that are not romantically involved.
So I think there are two kinds of high maintenance situations I have had in my relationships - first, I really do have to keep taking the effort to keep the relationship going and second, I *think* I have to keep taking the effort to keep the relationship going and growing.
In the first case, the friend or relative most likely has massively huge expectations of you. Why? Because you've always been available, you don't like to say no, you are one big people pleaser and you are easy going. So even if they aren't keeping their side of the bargain, you will not let go and hold grudges. In fact, even if they say something annoying, you'll just take it in your stride because you don't want to stand up for yourself. You're basically a loser. But wait.
The second case is worse. Nobody even told you about their expectations of you. You just made it all up in your mind. You just believe that if you go out of your way and be all sweet to someone, of course they'll be your fan. So instead of them having expectations of you, you are having massive expectations of them. This works out well with the genuinely good people, who actually value sweetness. But with the rest, the majority, you just lose all respect. On the contrary, being uptight makes you intimidating and therefore heavily respected.
Isn't it pretty disappointing though, that being sweet is less respected than being an asshole? If you're a people pleaser by nature, the only solution is to stop being one. I haven't yet figured out an easier solution...
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