A couple of months ago, I caught myself reminiscing about my school days in Muscat. I realized that my childhood is filled with a lot of fun
memories (and a lot of embarrassing ones too) but here are some that I reminisce about the most. I really liked how appa, amma and I used to have lunch together on Fridays, take a nap, play ping pong and then go out on a long drive in the evenings. Friday was the weekend in Muscat, in case you're wondering. On week days, my mom and her friends would sit outside our building cracking jokes and laughing their heads off. Meanwhile I would be playing with my friends on the other side, and seeing her laugh would make me feel all warm and fuzzy. You know that warm security blanket that cozies itself around you when you see your parents happy?
That feeling. I cherish it. I also think of this one summer vacation after my 10th grade board exams. My
chuddy buddies - Upasana, Pooja, Dhivya - and I spent a lot of time unwinding. We played badminton, chess, charades and had pretty exciting conversations about life and music and boys. I remember that that vacation was when I stopped being a nerd. Until then I used to be the most studious kid in class, the teachers' favorite, extremely obedient and I had no idea about the world outside of my little protected life. But that summer was when, apart from spending a lot of time with my friends, I also got to see my
baby sister for the very first time. I had gone to India for her first birthday celebrations. It opened up my heart to a whole new barrage of emotions, and as they say - bigger the heart, broader the mind. Ok I don't know who says that. But anyway, over time, I realized that
people meant the most to me. My friends, my family and people everywhere. Since then, I've never been the best in
any class, teachers have had no special fondness for me (except that one Math professor in college who was my thatha's friend), and I have very few
achievements in the traditional sense of the word. But I have people.
Mere paas maa hai.
Not that being a nerd and loving your family are mutually exclusive. I'm just talking about priorities, okay? So as I was reminiscing, it struck me that my life is basically a bunch of sustained periods of change, tied together almost seamlessly through time. All these different periods are similar in that they all have a specific routine that comes with them, however enjoyable or trying the routines were, each has played an important role in shaping my personality. Having a safe childhood really makes it easier for one to be a decent human being as an adult. I recognize the privilege and try to stay true to that. I was intrigued though, that what I reminisced about the most was one of these routines as opposed to any one single extraordinary moment. Is it just me? What do other people reminisce about?
"I'd say cartoons, the food scene and the general sense of orderliness during my childhood", said the husband during one of our hikes in the woods. Usually, asking him a question makes you feel like the cat chasing a laser pointer. You see the point, you follow it for sometime, but sooner or later you get tired and zone out. (Jk. Love you, H!) But yeah, he's a
talker and I had a long hike ahead of me. "I remember Adi, Abi and I used to wake up at 6:30am to watch cartoons during summer vacation. Batman: The Animated Series was my absolute favorite" he continued. "...mom's cooking and the general food scene in Bombay, playing video games with Gautam..". "And I particularly enjoyed the fact that our daily routine at home was so orderly and peaceful". Perfect, I thought. I wasn't the only one reminiscing about day-to-day ordinary moments. So over the next few days, I got busy asking my friends, family and colleagues the same question. What memories from your past do you cherish the most? And by past I mean until 10 years ago.
About my sample set, I did try to increase the diversity as much as possible but no I could not get in touch with Yali from Papua New Guinea. Even though the majority of people I know are Indians, they're a pretty diverse bunch too - Indians from different parts of India, Indians that grew up in Muscat, USA and Singapore, and Indians that hate everything Indian. I did ask some Americans, Chinese and Germans too. Age group wise, the majority would be in their late 20s, some 50s and one in her 80s! Around 50 people responded with valid answers. Invalid answers that didn't make the cut were of the type - "I don't reminisce at all". Thanks Naren.
I'm going to mention a few interesting answers. One of the common themes was friendship. Like I mentioned earlier, my chuddy buddies and I formed the coolest gang in school, just like every other gang would claim to be, except that we were
actually the coolest. Interestingly, all three of them mentioned the gang as one of the main things that they reminisce about. That feeling of being part of a group, the loyalty, the uninhibited innocent love and trust, the long phone conversations about nothing and the fights! Oh man, the fights. Everything wasn't always rosy but it was a really special time and is definitely something that I reminisce about too. Adolescence is a painful period without the right friends. (pun unintended)
Bharat, my friend from undergrad said, "the time period that you have asked about is pretty wide. In my case there was a very clear wedge in terms of where I spent my childhood and where I went to college. Having said that, there is still a very clear theme to the things I reminisce most about - moments with friends. This could be playing football in a flooded field during the rains, or getting kicked out of class and then using that opportunity to go watch a movie, or just lazing around under a neem tree in the afternoon reading books and discussing life, politics, philosophies and everything else under the sun. The liveliest objects under the sun at that moment - as also in my memories - would always be my friends."
Niranj, Ram and Aaditya recollected fond memories of playing street cricket with friends. Vidhi said that her best days were during college where she made awesome friends, and learnt from the best professors who inspired by example. In fact a lot of people said that their college days were the best. There was one person who said "I enjoyed getting high with my friends and listening to awesome music". "I think about my time in Dubai, I got to experience a lot of new things and made lots of good memories", said Marielle. She lived in Dubai for half a year. Sneha said "From college life, I think most about long discussions and conversations with friends. The really deep kind, where hearts and dreams and random life theories were shared. I feel like friendships have become more superficial these days or maybe the people you bond with at that age will always be closest to you. My favorite childhood memories are of playing imaginary games with Dipna where the living room furniture would be transformed into mountains and the floor was hot lava!".
"Goofing off with siblings and cousins" was another common theme. Gowri said, "I think about the times I played with my brother and cousins all day long. We'd play hide and seek, cricket, board games and watch movies together all through the night!". A lot of my friends lived away from their cousins, and therefore going to the hometown for summer vacation and playing with their cousins seemed to be a commonly cherished memory. Srinath said that one time in Coimbatore, his brother and him were staring at cows because cows are silly. Yeah, he tries! One of the cutest answers I got was from Asfa. "I think about this
incident when I was 4, my cousin and I were playing in the terrace. My
cousin challenged me to walk on the railing, all around the terrace. He
said that I wouldn't be able to do it. Just to prove him wrong, I did
it. It was a really dangerous thing because one wrong step or loss in
balance would've meant falling down 3 storeys. I feel proud of myself when I think of it!". This story is not
particularly a day-to-day mundane memory and although I'd argue that it
still comes under the general theme of my hypothesis, I'm happy to
call it an outlier in my data set.
Adi and Nidhin mentioned long road trips with the family as something they reminisce about. I can very well relate to that. Pammi reminisces the most about her time in Bombay, and their nuclear family setup. Then a lot of people talked about food. Upasana cherishes all the birthday cakes, Ram and Pooja miss the Indian mangoes, elaneer (tender coconut water), and street food. There were memories about family tea time, family lunches, dinners, get together feasts. I also noticed that some people reminisce about places; Living close to the beach, taking walks on the beach, the sights and sounds and smells of your neighborhood, that one particular big old tree that you played around or climbed everyday, the smell of your grandparents' home, your schools, cities, etc. And then finally, some special people said that they cherish time spent with me the most. Aaaw. Thanks mom and dad!
Sigh. This is far from an exhaustive list, but from the limited number of answers I got, I conclude that a good majority of the people associated with me, reminisce
about the ordinary day to day things the most. Now, did they just tell me the ordinary memories so that they wouldn't
be seen as a braggart? Are they influenced by the movies these days to
think more about the "little things" in life? Are the day-to-day
memories just clearer in the head due to mere repetition as opposed to
the one-timers? Maybe. Maybe not. But I can say confidently that if they're anything like me, they mean to say that the seemingly ordinary things that we enjoy on a daily basis, are usually the moments we cherish. I'm sure there are multiple loopholes I haven't explored but the following quote resonates with the intention and essence of my thought.
Do not ask your children
to strive for extraordinary lives.
Such striving may seem admirable,
but it is the way of foolishness.
Help them instead to find the wonder
and the marvel of an ordinary life.
Show them the joy of tasting
tomatoes, apples and pears.
Show them how to cry
when pets and people die.
Show them the infinite pleasure
in the touch of a hand.
And make the ordinary come alive for them.
The extraordinary will take care of itself.
- William Martin
And yes, I think I've taught my child well. Do what you love all day and it will no longer seem like work!
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| Captain Murugan: Leading an ecstatically ordinary life since 2014. |
