Stereotypo

*that's a word I just invented which means you've made a mistake in stereotyping someone. So it's like a typo about a stereotype. Okay, you got that already. Moving on..


We're always putting people we meet into categories. Patterns! It makes so much sense when everyone's personality just fits into one pattern or the other. It also makes us feel smart in having figured them out. Too quiet and ugly? Shy. Too quiet and pretty? Snob. Doing better than me? She probably slept with the boss. North Indian? Ugh. Indian boy? Creep.


I read this somewhere on 'Humans of New York' webpage -

"I can't stand moral absolutism. You know, there's always that guy who wants to point out that Martin Luther King cheated on his wife - as if he obviously couldn't have been anything good if he did something like that. Or someone will bring out an inspirational quote, and get you to agree, and then inform you that Hitler said it. As if a good thought couldn't come from Hitler. Moral absolutism keeps us from learning from the past. It's easy to say: 'Hitler was a demon. Nazis were all bad seeds.' That's simple. It's much harder to say: 'Is that humanity? Is that me?'"

Personalities are so complex that we shouldn't even pretend to understand everybody. The person I understand the most is me and I can't even put myself into any rigid category.. I am an extrovert but I prefer to listen than to talk (except when there's Merlot in me). I do support animal rights but I do not follow a vegan diet. I do not think twice before squishing a fly that's irritating me. I used to think I would be a dog person but now I love cats, so well there is no such thing as a dog person or a cat person. You just love your kids no matter who they are (even if they're called Joffrey Baratheon). I love playing sports but I also love lazying in bed. I have dated many people but I don't believe in polygamy or instability. You might want to call me a contradiction. But I call it nature.  

This is one of the reasons I love Game of Thrones. Every character is natural - Ned Stark, known for being such an honorable man, has a bastard. Jaime Lannister known for being an asshole, tries to save Brienne of Tarth and even wins her trust. Tyrion Lannister is just.. well, he's just awesome. (I did warn you about this in my previous post).

Putting everyone into rigid categories is basically a form of extremism. That's what leads to hatred and wars and all things bad. Accepting that everyone is flawed, yet nobody is a 100% evil is the key.

To end with some FIL wisdom: "We judge others by their actions and ourselves by our intentions".

Additions on October 2nd, 2014:

A few weeks after writing this post I watched a TED talk which follows a similar idea. The danger of a single story - https://www.ted.com/talks/chimamanda_adichie_the_danger_of_a_single_story

Also, it has been pointed out to me that Jon Snow could actually be Rhaegar and Lyanna's son and is therefore possibly not Ed's bastard. Sorry for using that as an example then. I love this version of who Jon Snow really is, so thanks for that!

*correction

So remember when I said there's nothing I would do all day and night? Well, it turns out there is. And it's called Game of Thrones. 

:)

Obnoxious things pet owners say

So I grew up with absolutely no pets, and nobody that was close to me had any pets either. Also, in Chennai a dog once chased me and bit me. Basically, I was not crazy fond of animals. Whenever I visited people with pets, they would say "oh don't worry he won't do anything!" while the dogs and cats would come smell my feet, lick, bark, run, jump.... What do you mean he won't do anything! He's doing all these things I'm really uncomfortable with! And then they'll follow it up with a "wow you know he only does that to people he really likes...". I would avoid having to go to houses with pets.

Then. I got engaged to this guy who to say has pets would be an understatement. I think the count is 5 dogs and 4 cats. When we initially started talking, you know the honeymoon phase where you agree with everything each other says, he had said if I am uncomfortable with pets he will personally make sure I feel at ease. Whatever it takes. Of course, I had also said oh yeah no problem at all I am sure I would love animals, I'm just not used to them that's all. That was not all. Or maybe it was. So anyway, we decided to get married and stuff, and after almost a year, a few weeks before the wedding I showed up at his house. It was the pets play time, so they all came running to the gate barking loudly at me. I may have wet my pants a little. Then he stood up and walked up to the gate. Phew, I thought, there's my man! He's going to come save me! He smiled and said "well, you have to get used to this" and walked right back after opening the gate for me. Ouch. I nervously petted them and walked in... they settled down soon and ignored me for the most part of my stay. I even ended up making friends with some of them. (For the record, I eventually realized they are absolutely adorable).

A few months back, the husband suggested we adopt a cat from the animal shelter here. I was surprisingly drawn to the idea even though I had no clue about what to expect. We went to the shelter a couple of times and I was mostly just watching as I let him pick. So that's how we ended up adopting Captain Murugan....and the rest is history! It would not be an exaggeration if I said he (the cat) changed my life! He runs to the door everytime I go home, he will wake me up in the middle of my sleep and demand to be cuddled, seeing him eat his entire bowl of fish just makes me so happy! Oh and he's such a great selfie cat. Here are some selfies for proof.

My selfie partner

So what prompted me to write this post was a couple of events that happened recently. We had a visitor a while back who was really afraid of cats. Guess what I ended up saying? "Oh don't worry he won't do anything!". A friend of mine who stayed over at our place, I think felt kind of uncomfortable with him playing his usual games under the couch when she was sitting on it.  Again, I said without even thinking "yeah, he only does that with people he's really comfortable with!!". Later, when I went to bed, I couldn't help laughing at how things have changed. I am now the obnoxious pet owner! And I am kinda proud of it. ;)

Short rant about a recent realization

Since we've established that rambling is my thing, here's the next rant. 

Relationships are supposed to make you feel good about yourself, not weigh you down. A very common question boys get asked - "is she high maintenance?". Well, it turns out maintenance is not confined to romantic relationships but exists in friendships and others too. So for the purpose of this post, when I say relationship I only mean with friends or relatives or colleagues that are not romantically involved. 

So I think there are two kinds of high maintenance situations I have had in my relationships - first, I really do have to keep taking the effort to keep the relationship going and second, I *think* I have to keep taking the effort to keep the relationship going and growing.

In the first case, the friend or relative most likely has massively huge expectations of you. Why? Because you've always been available, you don't like to say no, you are one big people pleaser and you are easy going. So even if they aren't keeping their side of the bargain, you will not let go and hold grudges. In fact, even if they say something annoying, you'll just take it in your stride because you don't want to stand up for yourself. You're basically a loser. But wait.

The second case is worse. Nobody even told you about their expectations of you. You just made it all up in your mind. You just believe that if you go out of your way and be all sweet to someone, of course they'll be your fan. So instead of them having expectations of you, you are having massive expectations of them. This works out well with the genuinely good people, who actually value sweetness. But with the rest, the majority, you just lose all respect. On the contrary, being uptight makes you intimidating and therefore heavily respected.

Isn't it pretty disappointing though, that being sweet is less respected than being an asshole? If you're a people pleaser by nature, the only solution is to stop being one. I haven't yet figured out an easier solution... 

Passionate about... rambling?

Earlier today I had a discussion about chain smokers because a friend's friend's friend is apparently one, and is planning to quit. That led to a general discussion on addictions. And then passion. And then I got a little depressed. 

This has been something I've thought about a lot - passion. I like doing a lot of things but I have no passion. You know, for our wedding reception, my parents ordered a cake and decided to personalize it. Very sweet idea. So they put a Gator logo for H. Because you know, everyone knows what a crazy Gator fan he is. And then. A piano for me. A lameass piano! Why can't I have a cool passion like a favorite football team that I'd watch all day and all night? Yeah yeah I like playing the piano, but I'm neither good at it nor am I passionate about it. It's just something I like doing sometimes. You know how people forget everything else when their favorite team is playing, or when they're at a concert by their favorite band, or their favorite movie releasing time? I got nothing.

I cribbed about all this to a (patient) friend who then pointed out that I love playing games. If someone told me to play badminton or tennis all day, I probably would love that, yes. If I could go back to Muscat and play every evening with my perfect set of friends, yes I already feel excited thinking about it. When I moved to Chennai after high school, I was surprised to find absolutely no company to play. So I joined a club, and played badminton with people twice my age. Now that sounds really cool if you're a kid. But I was almost 20, so it meant I was playing with the aunties and uncles of Mylapore. And they were bloody good! I was also "selected" to be a part of the college team because there were only 3 girls in total that even wanted to play. We of course didn't win any tournaments but I loved going for them. Hmmm so maybe that is passion? Breathe.

Well, I know what you're thinking. WTF.. if your friend needs to remind you what you're passionate about, then it's probably not a passion. You're right. It probably isn't. Or maybe it is. But I just realized midway through this rambling that it doesn't matter. Everyone does not need to have a passion. It's just some weird peer pressure thing. The cliche that says "you have to find your passion and pursue it" is overrated at the least. I can just ramble on and on right here on my blog and not have any passions. And that's perfectly okay! Of course, if you are pursuing your passion and it's making you happy, then great! Congrats! For example, if you're a food critique. Or the host of a 'travel the world' show. But if your day job is to clean out the garbage cans in the city, don't get demoralized by these passion-preachers. 

Cool things I learnt this week

1. About Tunisia!

So I met this girl on the bus and we started talking. She said she was from Tunisia and that she was a graduate student. After we exchanged pleasantries, she said she is a big fan of Indian movies and that as a kid she used to watch Hindi movies with Arabic subtitles all the time. Interesting. I was thinking really hard on what I could say in return about Tunisia .. but I realized I knew nothing. I stuck to "So, Tunisia must be a really beautiful place..". She agreed and then told me proudly about the Tunisian revolution. Apparently, the recent Arab Spring originated in Tunisia. A man who was selling vegetables on the street was humiliated by a policewoman, he tried to complain to higher authorities but of no use, so he attempted to burn himself alive in front of the government headquarters. That led to widespread protests all though the country and finally their authoritarian president fled to Saudi and never came back. Soon, protests started in all the neighboring countries too leading to the wave of revolution in the middle east. Did you know it all started in Tunisia?

2.  Pimm's cup is a cocktail that has Pimm's liqueur, ginger beer, lemon juice and some cucumber juice. It's kind of a refreshing summer drink, but also very potent.

3. Fun-guy po-boys are po-boy sandwiches with deep fried mushrooms instead of sea food. Punny? Yummy too.

4. Japan is so cool. 

Do you guys know about Article 9 of their constitution? 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Article_9_of_the_Japanese_Constitution

And now their football fans! They clean up the stadiums after a match even if they've lost and even if it's not in Japan. Keep it up guys. Arigatou!

5. The polysaccharide that I've been trying to study in lab, does not run on an SDS-PAGE gel because it's probably too large. So I'm going to partially acid-hydrolyze it next.

6. While making paruppusili, after you use the mixie to grind the dal and then steam it, you got to let it dry and then use the food processor to coarse powder it. Works like magic. 

7. What a wedding anniversary feels like. 

Lots of love from friends and family, gifts, flowers, horny wishes from girlfriends, special dinner date, parents reminiscing the actual wedding ceremonies - me not so much, Facebook profile pic change to lovey dovey pic just so that everyone knows its official, a replay of the same dull witted mami jokes that were cracked one year back, a sense of accomplishment followed by wait is this really an accomplishment? and finally a feeling of gratitude for being so privileged.

8. Time flies. So don't sit on your ass and dream of a better world. Get up while you still can and do your part like the Tunisians and the Japanese.

Go Oranje! 

Childhood confessions

My favorite hobby used to be playing ping pong with Appa on our dining table on weekends. The table cloth was folded neatly and put in the middle as the net. Amma had to rearrange many of the lamps and other breakable items nearby, although some of the thrill came from "almost missing a glass vase". TGIF had a whole different meaning back then.

When I was 8, my best friend was called Kehekshan. We used to hangout all the time! She used to wear a scarf around her head that I thought was so pretty that I used to wear amma's dupatta around my head too, to be like her. We grew older and I switched schools and somehow lost touch with her. I still think about whether we may meet at some point, and what I would say to her. Would she even remember me?

I used to really like watching mushy Bollywood films and my favorite was Kuch Kuch Hota Hai.
Yes, of course I tried the Anjali haircut.

I've always been very possessive of my things. I will give it to you only if I trust you enough to take care of it. I'm told - when I was 1, my great grandmother wanted to see my new birthday dress. I gave it to her for a whole of 30 seconds and then snatched it from her to put back in my shelf safely. I was just 1! It became a running joke in my family thereafter.

This was me, on that day:

I enjoy edgy humor. If the joke is not insulting, it's not that funny. My husband doesn't like that so I try to tone it down.

On a related note, my friends have always made fun of me saying I'll end up getting married to a Balasubramanian. 

I get a little irritated when people keep talking about how naughty or how cute their kids were when little. Everyone is cute as a baby! Move on.

I am a romantic. I believe in all forms of love and it's love that keeps me going.

In Muscat, we were out on a picnic at Wadi Bani Khalid. The adults were walking slowly, but we kids couldn't contain our excitement. We ran to the wadi (a river) and jumped in. I didn't expect it to be so deep. Neither did I know how to swim, so I had started drowning. THEN! Suddenly! One of the local Omani boys appeared out of nowhere and saved me! The adrenaline rush made me jump around calling it a miracle. I was also spouting all kinds of philosophical sayings, but everyone else just told me off for being a fool to jump in without knowing how to swim. In my head it's still very filmy with my Omani hero boy. Thanks Habibi!

I started taking swimming lessons after that.

My coach died of a heart attack within a week of my joining.

I still can't swim. :(

One hot summer day, my friends and I were having a water fight in the bus (not even the school bus) and the school authorities took us to the Vice Principal's office. For a water fight outside the school!! Our parents had to come get us after that. One of the teachers told my friend "today you let a boy put water on you, tomorrow you'll let him kiss you?". Yes. Don't even get me started on the amount of moral policing that happened in school.

On a related note, somebody told the Vice Principal about all the "couples" in our batch. He called us one by one, took out his "match the following" notes and yelled at us. "Dating during your teens?? Oh my god, what a disgusting crime! Please reserve that for after you're married." Hehehe.. poor wife his was!

My favorite day in school was sports day. I used to take part in most of the events. I always had butterflies in my stomach right from the morning but would act all cool because that's how sportsmen should be! Even today, I would do anything to get a good playing partner.

My first heart break happened in grade 5 because my first crush laughed at me for getting glasses. Agreed, they made my face look funny. And no, I was not a fan of edgy humor back then.

Until I left Muscat and came to Chennai, I never knew that Tamil had so many dialects and that talking like I did would be made fun of. Of course, other forms of culture shock happened too, but save that for later.

Muscat will always hold a special place in my heart as will all the friends I made there. Here's to an awesome childhood! Cheers!

Bucket list!

I'm suffering from the opposite of Pinaciphobia right now. All I want to do is make lists and tick off what's done. So here's my bucket list!

1. Step foot on every continent
2. More specifically;
      - take the LOTR tour around New Zealand
      - spend a week in France - le vin et la fromage, les champs-elysee, le tour d'eiffel, the alps
      - catch a glimpse of the northern lights from Alaska or Norway
      - take H to Phuket and Muscat
      - trek in leh-ladakh
      - explore the secrets of the Egyptian pharaohs and the Incas
      - rameswaram
3. A chance to meet at least one of my favorite celebrities - Agassi, Rafa, Federer, Paul Mccartney, Dravid, Santanam, Santa Claus
4. Adopt another cat and a dog and a few kids.
5. Start my own biofuel company in India and live there forever, close to the parents. Alternate plan: start an awesome restaurant in India.
6. Practice hard and improve upon my rookie racket ball and tennis skills
7. Start intensely following international football and attend one of the FIFA world cups
8. Never lose touch with any of my awesome friends
9. Make sure H is always happy
10. Make sure both sets of parents don't miss us too much

Neat, that looks doable! I guess 10 is a decent number. Well, the hope for a fun future is what keeps us all going doesn't it?

I'm back!

Hello blog!

I've missed you! A lot of things have changed in my life from the time I wrote my last blog post - 

I got married!! (yes, it was like winning the lottery)

Moved 10,000 miles away from lizard-land, what fun lah

To a house filled with superhero posters and musical instruments.

Shocking as it may seem, my research got published

I now know what a quarterback does

I almost won my lab's brackets this year, but H actually won his

Rekha chithi passed away 

I got a pixie hair cut to look like her 

Adopted the most adorable cat ever

Went to a high school mini-reunion in Chicago and caught up with some awesome people

Started hating winters, Chennai I'm so ready for you 

Read a bunch of autobiographies of tennis players, liked Agassi's the most

Watched some vijaykanth padams, day-to-day conversations have never been the same hence

Still working on my tamil movie dialogues to better fit in with H's family

Realizing now the true value of living in lizard-land - India trip anytime can lah 

I'm not thaaaat racist anymore

and I love small towns in the US

Now that you've caught up, I'm going to be writing more often! Get ready!