Things I wish I knew when I was 13

My baby sister turns 13 today!

I remember traveling to India from Muscat, after my 10th standard board exams, to meet her for the very first time. She was less than a year old and my uncle was holding her as she watched everyone at the airport, pretty clueless about the super-excited cuddle machine that was going to attack her very soon. Meanwhile, I was impatiently wading through immigration and baggage claim, as restless as a fully filled bladder on a chilly day. After what seemed like eternity, I finally managed to get out. This part always amuses me because there is a huge crowd and everyone's invariably staring at you as you walk out with your 'travel-hair', clumsily holding on to too many bags. Anyway, my uncle and aunt were waving to me from the crowd and I ran over to them. There she was! I stretched out my hands to the little girl, for a handshake or maybe a high five or I don't know what. I guess I was expecting her to hesitate and take a while to get used to this hyper-energetic gibberish-talking stranger. But. To my utter surprise she sprung out of my uncle's hold, right into my arms and looked at me almost saying "I know you! Come on, let's go home!" Sigh. It was the cutest thing!!

Now it's been more than a decade since that day. She is growing into this beautiful teenager who is always talking on the phone with her friends or listening to Taylor Swift or watching TV or reading a mystery novel. For her 13th birthday, I've decided to gift her something slightly different - a list of things that we (wise?) adults, wish we knew at 13. It's not meant to be advice but just an interesting read to build perspective. A big big thanks to my amazing friends and family for taking the effort.

So let's get started!

Harish. from the 30 year old to the 13 -

Happy Birthday Kamya!
13! God, you’re so young!

Things I wish I knew when I was 13:

1. The parents are trying hard. They are not perfect but this is their first attempt at this parenting gig. Nobody loves unconditionally. The closest that anyone gets to being unconditional is your parents. Our upbringing may not be perfect but it was safe and solid. I regret being a brat as a kid. My parents
have my eternal gratitude now.

2. The cool kids aren’t cool all their life. Life happens and they stop being Greek gods. The world becomes bigger than them and everyone sees it. We don’t have to be them. At 30, I see that every person has become some version of cool by embracing his or her own choices.

3. Be empathetic. Be courteous. Arrogance and pride will ensure that when you fall (and you will fall several times) it hurts more than ever. Life will force you to learn to behave one way or the other; it is better to learn it before the lesson happens.

4. Things always work out. Always. Work hard but don’t worry about how it turns out. Study because you like it. Study because it is fun. If the system demands something else, it is the system’s problem. It will pass soon enough and you can get back to doing what you love. Don’t sweat this exam. Or any
exam. ;)

5. The world is big. It has people of many different types, some that we will never know of all our life. The universe is even bigger. We are just a tiny living unit on a bit-sized fleck of dust that is our galaxy – one of millions. Incredibly, we all share this condition. Perspective is everything.

Things I knew when I was 13 but should not have doubted later:

1. Do what you like doing and keep doing it. It may seem pointless and unproductive to someone else at the moment but it defines you. And it will be useful.

2. Be responsible for yourself. It is fun to experiment and fool around but things can get sour and bad pretty fast if you aren’t careful. Responsibility makes you stand out, it makes your trustworthy, it builds character and it will take you in full measure to the quality person you will grow to be.

3. Love is hard to find. Love is hard to give up. Love is challenging. Love is tough. But it is never ever painful. Love is never hurtful. Love is never hateful. Love is never deceitful. Love is always loyal. Love is always supportive. Love is always warm. Love is always merciful. Love is always accommodating. Love is always reassuring. If it does not fit these rules, it simply is not love. No exceptions.

4. Own your choices. They may be punishing but they are your choices. It will make you a bigger and better person.

5. There is no pleasing people. Be yourself, they will come around. If they don’t, they are the wrong sort.

My mom, another big fan -

Happy birthday Kams!

I have just two main wishes for my 13 year old self. I wish I had continued my dance classes as well as my interest in sports. Looking back, I feel I would have enjoyed that way more than my economics major. 

Pursue your own interests. 

Lots of love,
Tha

From my sweetest friend - 

Dear Kamya,

I have known you since you were little, heard sooo much about you from Ramya through college, your cousin who loves you so much! On your 13^th birthday she decided to make you a very special list. This isn’t preaching or boring advice. It’s telling you all the things I wish I knew when I was 13. But at the end of it all, you can only grow as you live life through it. So I hope you have a wonderful, fun filled year ahead! Happy Birthday Kamya!

Things I wish I knew when I was 13:

1. I wish I knew that each phase of life brings its own opportunities to explore, and that I was never going to be 13 again. I would have lived every moment to the fullest without spending any time in worry and in fighting with friends! :D
 

 2. I wish I knew that grades hardly mattered as much as I thought they did. I would have spent more time on art, music and public speaking that I still love so much, instead of spending sleepless nights stressing over my exams! When you are young, you are less afraid to explore. As you grow older you only become more wary to try out new things.
 

3. Continued from the previous point. I would have enjoyed learning more, honing my curiosity and exploring the unknown. I still wish I could go back and read my middle school history textbook or learn languages the right way. I learnt Hindi for 10 years and cannot speak it even today. If only I had focused less on grades and more on learning!
 

4. I wish I had clicked more pictures with my parents and siblings!
 

5. I wish I had realized that being prefects and head-girls didn’t matter at all! (Yes each time I was not selected to be a prefect, I cried! And I was never selected a prefect :-D). When I look back today, I realize that I missed out on nothing at all!
 

6. I wish I had realized that there are no standards to be above everyone else. You don’t have to be the teacher’s favorite, you don’t have to be the popular girl, you don’t have to be the prettiest girl, you don’t have to top your class. You just need to be yourself and do the best of everything in your own way. It takes all kinds of people to make this world fun and interesting. And you will enjoy it so much more being yourself and the world will love you more as well! You will also learn to respect everyone for their uniqueness and not only those who fit into the moulds of cool, smart or pretty. Nobody is better than anybody else in this world.

7. I wish I had realized that there is more good in the world than bad. People are so much kinder than they show themselves to be. Think the best of people! That there is so much goodness in yourself that you can use to spread more cheer. The future holds more promises than ever. And finally that happiness comes from putting as many smiles as you can in this world. This would have helped me love more, make more friends and be kinder to more people around me as I grew up.  Life is beautiful and you only make it sunnier!

Just because I am older than you, it doesn’t mean that I know more than you Kamya! There are no rules to live life. You are your life’s own unique designer. Take as much in from people all around you and use it to craft your own personality as you grow older. There are no mistakes that cannot be fixed as long as you have friends and family to pull you up (I don’t know about anyone else, but I know that Ramya adores you!). So don’t fear to explore, fall and pick yourself up to grow to learn more. Smile and make smile as much as you can! :)

Love,
Your cousin’s friend who has watched you grow up!

From Upasana, my best friend from middle school -

I would tell my 13 year old self - Don't worry, your pimples will clear out on their own!
And you may make a lot of bad choices but at the end things will work out!

From Srikanth, my youth-est friend (who owns a Porsche!) -

13 things if I had known at 13, life would have turned out different. Maybe.

1. If I had known fear creates more phantom than the reality itself.

2. If I had known scoring marks is not as important as understanding concepts.

3. If I had known becoming a cricketer is one in a million chance.

4. If I had known math is fun and not about memorizing a lot of numbers.

5. If I had known every individual is unique in their own way and I didn't have to follow someone else. 

6. If I had known those were the days you get to play the most.

7. If I had known home food is the best that I will ever get to eat.

8. If I had known whats shown in movies, never really happens in reality.

9. If I had realized my parents aren't my biggest enemies.

10. If I had known Bhel poori isn't the only yummy chaat

11. If I had known the beach doesn't have a gate after all..Sigh..How Stupid!

12. If I had known life only gets harder from there on.

13. If I had known that I'll never be 13 again.

Happy 13th birthday!!

From my coolest friend who is also my partner in (mokk)krime - 

Other than that fun trip you take with your friends to the beach or your reaction when you see this gift, most other things will not matter nor will you remember it when you leave your teens.. so make some good memories you'll cherish forever :) 

It doesn't matter if everyone around you ends up wanting to be an engineer or a doctor, you can choose to do whatever makes you come alive and that's all that matters

If you have the chance to learn any art form or sports activity and make it your passion, do it.. you will be thankful for it for the rest of your life :)

Don't judge bad jokes. Mokkais rule the world!

From Devika, one of my quirkiest friends - (I really had to censor her original list)

I wish I knew that:

1. You're considered a child only till you're 15. After that you have to get 'responsible'. So enjoy school as much as you can!

2. Don't get too annoyed with your parents for trivial things because soon you'll move out of home and then you'll miss them like crazy!

3. School exams are the easiest to score in. In college it gets harder and after that life becomes an everyday exam. So enjoy studying as much as you can in school!

4. It's okay to date guys who are shorter than you in high school.

5. I wish I had learned to swim when I was younger. As you grow older it becomes more difficult to flap your legs and stay afloat.

From Ram, a friend from Singapore -

I wish I had learnt to play a musical instrument. It always keeps you good company when you're alone.

And that's all. He's a man of few words when it comes to saying something meaningful.

And finally, me -

I wish I knew that my parents are really cool people. Their advice, which I then thought was ridiculous, eventually turned out to be the right one.

I wish I knew that conversation skills are very important, not just with friends but even with people outside my comfort zone. Being a quiet person always gets misunderstood as being snobbish or uncomfortable or just lame and I wish I had more years to work on that.

I wish I had focussed on some general knowledge too, so that I could have avoided saying "Windows" when my classmate asked me which computer I had at home.

I wish I knew that I would absolutely love having a pet.

I wish I knew that while attention and praise from others is flattering, you shouldn't let it consume you because then you'll only be doing things that please them.

I wish I hadn't watched Kabhi khushi kabhi gham, Har dil jo pyaar karega, Mujhse dosti karoge, Mere yaar ki shaadi hai and a whole bunch of films in the same genre. It drastically affected my IQ.

I wish I had my own book of inspiration. A diary of sorts, where I could write down things that inspire me, make me happy, my priorities, my life lessons and goals. Reading that at times when you're low can really pull you up. Self reassurance is the only kind there is. Friends and family are only an additional support system.   

And I wish I had met these characters earlier. I still try to follow their advice.

    1. Oogway from Kung Fu Panda.
    When the path you walk always leads back to yourself, you never get anywhere.

    2. Yoda from Star Wars: The Phantom Menace.
    Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.

    3. Dumbledore from Harry Potter: The Chamber of Secrets. 
    It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities. 

    4. The White Queen from Alice in Wonderland.
    You cannot live your life to please others.

With that, we come to the end of this post. The take home message in short is be yourself, don't be afraid to follow your heart, dream big and never lose the zest for life!

I hope this has been an interesting read, and wish you have a fantastic birthday sweetie!

Love you!

Sketchy behaviour

Picked up a new hobby last week and here are my first two creations! You obviously gotta start with God's pictures.

Slammin' down under

With the first grand slam of the year coming to an end, here's a quick recap!

So before it all began, the ATP rankings were -
1. Djokovic
2. Federer
3. Nadal
4. Wawrinka (defending champion)
5. Nishikori
6. Murray
7. Berdych
8. Raonic
9. Cilic
10. Ferrer
11. Dimitrov
12. Tsonga
13. Gulbis

.. and let's stop at 13.

All the predictions had Djokovic in the final, playing either Murray or Federer. Nadal, because of his recent injuries and appendicitis, was predicted to not reach the final four but of course he's known for crazy comebacks so you never know. Wawrinka's name was mentioned here and there but nothing too special. Bottomline - the predictions were predictable.

So let's look at some of the unpredictable events that ensued -

1. Thanasi Kokkinakis: The 19 year old kid from Australia, who got a wild card entry into the Australian open, beat Ernest Gulbis (ranked 13) in the first round. Not to take any credit away from Kokk, but Gulbis's unforced errors turned out to be the most crucial game changer that evening. As for Kokk, he instantly became the local hero and a lot of hopes were pinned on him. He got knocked out in the next round but there's potential right there, walking around in neon colored outfits!

2. Early challenge for Nadal: I was hoping for a big comeback from Nadal, and seeing him struggle in the 2nd round was pretty unpredictable. Tim Smyczek was the man that made him sweat. Even though Nadal eventually won, it was a tight 5 setter game (2-6 6-3 7-6 3-6 5-7) where Nadal had way fewer aces and winners when compared to Smyczek. Nadal was off to a good start with a lot of well placed shots in the first set that made Smyczek go all over the place. But, Smyczek totally rocked the second set with some serve and volleys that caught Nadal off guard, and some beautifully played drop shots. Over the next few sets, Nadal sort of came back on top of his game with good clean down the line shots, and just about scraped through to victory. Smyczek needs to be commended not only for the great fight that he put up, but also for being a good sportsman. When someone from the crowd yelled out during Nadal's serve, he asked for a re-serve instead of allowing it to be counted as a fault for Nadal. By doing that, he won a lot of hearts worldwide. Nadal, however had 7 double faults during the game - his service needs to get way better. Although, it is worth mentioning that Nadal was unwell and as confirmed by the doctor, he was suffering from severe dehydration and still managed to come around. That is why he is and will always be a champion.

3. Federer gone: Heartbreaker # 1. Andreas Seppi (yeah, who dat?) beat Federer in 4 sets - 6-4, 7-6, 4-6, 7-6, making history. It was just a bad day for Federer, as he mentions too. The tie breaker in the second set was very crucial for him, but having let that slip, being two sets behind is a big burden to play with. In the final set tie breaker, Seppi just about made it to barely return Federer's down the line shot, with a forehand slice that almost looked like it was going out but it didn't. Federer thought it was going out too, because he didn't make an attempt to reach for it. Heartbreaking day. But well done, Seppi. You have a new identity now.

4. Nadal gone: Heartbreaker #2. Nadal wasn't able to make it to the top 4. He lost to Tomas Berdych in the quarterfinals, in straight 3 sets. Again, a lot of double faults and not too many winners. The Nadal comeback will have to wait until the clay season since on hard courts, his heavy topspin doesn't give too much of an advantage as compared to clay.

Next, the craziest matches with the most fantastic tennis -

1. Nadal-Smyczek as I talked about earlier.

2. Murray-Dimitrov: 6-4 6-7(5-7) 6-3 7-5. In round four, Grigor Dimitrov and Andy Murray played one of the best matches of this Australian Open. Yes Dimitrov smashed his racket but that was not the highlight of this match, come on guys don't keep playing that video. We all know who the badly behaved player in this duo is. Not to mention Kim Swears! So coming to the game, Dimitrov started off like he was going to win the first set, at 3-0. His brilliant single-handed backhand shots (mostly down the line) and his ability to return volleys so effortlessly were his strengths. He gets around all over the court pretty fast too. But, Murray somehow made his way back into winning the first set. His serves were his strong point against Dimitrov; speed, precision, everything. The second set goes neck to neck with both of them reaching 6 games each and Dimitrov winning the tie breaker. Dimitrov led the fourth set too at 5-2, but lost after that. Finally, the last proof of Dimitrov's bad luck was the last shot of the game - Murray's return bounced off the net and there was nothing Dimitrov could do about it. At various stages of the game, the scores always looked favorable to Dimitrov. This was a match he could have won, and therefore the racket smashing doesn't really seem out of place. Overall, the two things against Dimitrov here were Murray's unbelievable serves and just plain bad luck. Not inability.

3. Djokovic-Wawrinka: 7-6 3-6 6-4 4-6 6-0. How the defending champ Wow-rinka became Waaa-rinka. I'm sorry. So this was one of the matches again where the losing player had more aces, more winners but also more unforced errors. Four sets of intense competition. My absolute favorite shot was played by Wawrinka in set four, it was a back hand slice as a return for Djoker's drop shot. Wawrinka's back hand is the best. Period.

4. Djokovic-Murray: 7-6 6-7 6-3 6-0. This was the first time I'd woken up at 3AM voluntarily. If you watched it, I'm sure you remember going woaahhh WTF all through the first two sets. How about in the first set, when they're one game each and there's a 25 shot rally ending with a beautiful volley played by Djokovic? Now that doesn't mean Djokovic got away with all his volleys. Very soon, in the first set, Murray makes him run back to the baseline and finishes the rally with a volley himself. At that point I was ready for a long long 5 setter game, but the intensity reduced and Djokovic beasted the rest of the match. Post match interviews called it his superior mental strength that can't be beaten. He is definitely on his way to becoming a legend.

Moving on to random things that I found interesting -

1. Nadal's first opponent was Mikhail Youzhny. That guy has a PhD in psychology and tennis attitudes. That's pretty cool init?
2. Murray's first opponent was Yuki Bhambri, an Indian guy! Yay. Speaking of which, congratulations to Leander Paes and Martina Hingis.
3. Murray never smiles.

And finally, some fashion icons that will be remembered and possibly emulated -

Neon Kokk after his victory (dailymail.co.uk)

Nadal's pink-ness (rafaelnadalfans.com)

Dimitrov, just because he's the cutest (tennis-buzz)

Oops. Ok I got carried away

Well, that's all I've got. Looking forward to the French Open next, to see our Clay King back in action. Until then, adios tennios.

Trials of the key - 1

Here are a couple of piano solos I tried this weekend. The first is my favorite musician Yann Tiersen's Amelie and the second is of course The Beatles.

There's very minimal Garage Band involved at this stage. I would love to hear suggestions on how to improve Garage Band involvement. The piano playing skills will improve, I promise!

Cross-post from Inside the Blue!

The better half just wrote this piece. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Moderate and extremely clueless

Apparently extremism has no religion. So I guess religion gets to wash its hands clean every time someone bad invokes it. In a different way, that thought makes religion even more scary. Extremism could hijack any religion! Like computer viruses that work on Windows, OSX and Linux (Yes they exist). All one needs is a good hole and both operating systems and religions have plenty.

Holes in computer operating systems can be fixed however; and people are expected to work on that everyday. The big problem with organized religion is their holes don't get fixed easily, if ever. People try to not talk about them, jump over them, walk around them, ignore that they exist, and sometimes they fall into them because they are told that it is not a hole. A common tie across all levels of religious fandom is the belief that their texts and the so-called "word of god" are perfect and infallible. It is not amendable to fit new sizes and you do not question it. This tying tenet is THE oath of religious membership. None of them invite open questioning; they are challenged by it. So you are expected to get married drinking sweetened milk on a swing because that is how they performed child marriages in the dark ages, and by the gods, that is how you will be wed. No questions.

While most religion followers faithfully refuse to ask or answer questions that carry logic, the occasional apologist will present semi-logical ideas. He will deny the official membership of extremists and state that moderate followers - the teeming millions of them - are the majority and their membership is truly for inner peace and salvation, as is said in the texts. The extremists, the zealots and the evildoers are a handful and are not exemplary of the religion, which is pure and beautiful.

Like Windows 8.1

Here is the problem with that line of thinking. Religious membership exists as a hierarchy defined by how far you are willing to take your fandom with your actions.

I call this a hierarchy of support. Each level supports the next tier, even though they may not support the levels beyond. The support may be open or a non-verbal nod to their ideas. At the base you have the apologist who suggests that religious membership is truly an innocent experience, exemplified by the pious and gentle moderate follower, who strives to make his life more beautiful with his religion. The moderate follower supports the political follower who will use his position of power to influence others to also enjoy this wonderful mission to peace and bliss. The political follower takes his religion and his job very seriously. He believes that he can enlist ideas from his religion to do his job. Through this, he hopes to provide good governance to the people who are of his religion and the people who aren't. He supports the chief religious body that fashions the guidelines of his religion. The chief religious body strives to preserve the identity of the religion and ensure that members adhere to the tenets of the religion properly and non-members maintain good respect. And for that, they accept the existence of the extremists.
     

Each of these levels have increasing amounts of power even if their numbers decrease. And just having that power makes them dangerous and disquieting. Should they choose to move away from ethical behavior, standing up against them could spell doom. The extremist could be willing to sacrifice thousands to ensure success for his holy mission of supremacy. The chief religious body holds the rulebook on the religion and their interpretation and direction could alter the fates of all followers. The religious body could threaten followers (and others) with damnation if they did not buy into its policies. The political follower holds all other rulebooks that could make or break the world around him. It could be argued that the meek and modest moderate follower poses no danger as he holds no such power. Certainly, all apologists make good mention of it. But if you consider how these higher tier bodies are empowered, we get the reverse hierarchy of hijacking to hide away evil intentions and deeds.

The extremist is empowered by the approval of the religious body; he does not question the ethics of his deeds anymore. The religious body is empowered by the approval of the political follower; now even its questionable actions under the guise of religious self-preservation can be cleaned away by use of political power. The political follower is voted in by the moderate, so abuse of the power is acceptable because the people enabled him to do it. The moderate follower never doubts his choices because there is an apologist over the shoulder validating him on the news and social media. It does not matter if the apologist is religious or non-religious. However, it does matter that you might be one of these.

This hierarchical model suggests that religion is a general subscription. If you buy in, you have bought in all the way and the extremists become your people even if you don't like it. It may be too radical to suggest that all individuals quit religion in an instant. It challenges your identity and a way of life that defines you. It may take away what gives you inner peace. But think about what you follow and what it can lead to. Think about the relevance of archaic practices and how they stand in the way of humanism. Think about who truly deserves your respect and support. Think about who they support. Think about where your values come from. Offer a hand, not blind fandom. Is the preservation and resurrection of dark-age remains of your organization truly more important than humanity?

You are afraid of breaking out of this system of fear, hate and blind following. Don't be. 

Je Suis Charlie

http://strumlife.blogspot.com/2015/01/moderate-and-extremely-clueless.html

Stereotypo

*that's a word I just invented which means you've made a mistake in stereotyping someone. So it's like a typo about a stereotype. Okay, you got that already. Moving on..


We're always putting people we meet into categories. Patterns! It makes so much sense when everyone's personality just fits into one pattern or the other. It also makes us feel smart in having figured them out. Too quiet and ugly? Shy. Too quiet and pretty? Snob. Doing better than me? She probably slept with the boss. North Indian? Ugh. Indian boy? Creep.


I read this somewhere on 'Humans of New York' webpage -

"I can't stand moral absolutism. You know, there's always that guy who wants to point out that Martin Luther King cheated on his wife - as if he obviously couldn't have been anything good if he did something like that. Or someone will bring out an inspirational quote, and get you to agree, and then inform you that Hitler said it. As if a good thought couldn't come from Hitler. Moral absolutism keeps us from learning from the past. It's easy to say: 'Hitler was a demon. Nazis were all bad seeds.' That's simple. It's much harder to say: 'Is that humanity? Is that me?'"

Personalities are so complex that we shouldn't even pretend to understand everybody. The person I understand the most is me and I can't even put myself into any rigid category.. I am an extrovert but I prefer to listen than to talk (except when there's Merlot in me). I do support animal rights but I do not follow a vegan diet. I do not think twice before squishing a fly that's irritating me. I used to think I would be a dog person but now I love cats, so well there is no such thing as a dog person or a cat person. You just love your kids no matter who they are (even if they're called Joffrey Baratheon). I love playing sports but I also love lazying in bed. I have dated many people but I don't believe in polygamy or instability. You might want to call me a contradiction. But I call it nature.  

This is one of the reasons I love Game of Thrones. Every character is natural - Ned Stark, known for being such an honorable man, has a bastard. Jaime Lannister known for being an asshole, tries to save Brienne of Tarth and even wins her trust. Tyrion Lannister is just.. well, he's just awesome. (I did warn you about this in my previous post).

Putting everyone into rigid categories is basically a form of extremism. That's what leads to hatred and wars and all things bad. Accepting that everyone is flawed, yet nobody is a 100% evil is the key.

To end with some FIL wisdom: "We judge others by their actions and ourselves by our intentions".

Additions on October 2nd, 2014:

A few weeks after writing this post I watched a TED talk which follows a similar idea. The danger of a single story - https://www.ted.com/talks/chimamanda_adichie_the_danger_of_a_single_story

Also, it has been pointed out to me that Jon Snow could actually be Rhaegar and Lyanna's son and is therefore possibly not Ed's bastard. Sorry for using that as an example then. I love this version of who Jon Snow really is, so thanks for that!

*correction

So remember when I said there's nothing I would do all day and night? Well, it turns out there is. And it's called Game of Thrones. 

:)

Obnoxious things pet owners say

So I grew up with absolutely no pets, and nobody that was close to me had any pets either. Also, in Chennai a dog once chased me and bit me. Basically, I was not crazy fond of animals. Whenever I visited people with pets, they would say "oh don't worry he won't do anything!" while the dogs and cats would come smell my feet, lick, bark, run, jump.... What do you mean he won't do anything! He's doing all these things I'm really uncomfortable with! And then they'll follow it up with a "wow you know he only does that to people he really likes...". I would avoid having to go to houses with pets.

Then. I got engaged to this guy who to say has pets would be an understatement. I think the count is 5 dogs and 4 cats. When we initially started talking, you know the honeymoon phase where you agree with everything each other says, he had said if I am uncomfortable with pets he will personally make sure I feel at ease. Whatever it takes. Of course, I had also said oh yeah no problem at all I am sure I would love animals, I'm just not used to them that's all. That was not all. Or maybe it was. So anyway, we decided to get married and stuff, and after almost a year, a few weeks before the wedding I showed up at his house. It was the pets play time, so they all came running to the gate barking loudly at me. I may have wet my pants a little. Then he stood up and walked up to the gate. Phew, I thought, there's my man! He's going to come save me! He smiled and said "well, you have to get used to this" and walked right back after opening the gate for me. Ouch. I nervously petted them and walked in... they settled down soon and ignored me for the most part of my stay. I even ended up making friends with some of them. (For the record, I eventually realized they are absolutely adorable).

A few months back, the husband suggested we adopt a cat from the animal shelter here. I was surprisingly drawn to the idea even though I had no clue about what to expect. We went to the shelter a couple of times and I was mostly just watching as I let him pick. So that's how we ended up adopting Captain Murugan....and the rest is history! It would not be an exaggeration if I said he (the cat) changed my life! He runs to the door everytime I go home, he will wake me up in the middle of my sleep and demand to be cuddled, seeing him eat his entire bowl of fish just makes me so happy! Oh and he's such a great selfie cat. Here are some selfies for proof.

My selfie partner

So what prompted me to write this post was a couple of events that happened recently. We had a visitor a while back who was really afraid of cats. Guess what I ended up saying? "Oh don't worry he won't do anything!". A friend of mine who stayed over at our place, I think felt kind of uncomfortable with him playing his usual games under the couch when she was sitting on it.  Again, I said without even thinking "yeah, he only does that with people he's really comfortable with!!". Later, when I went to bed, I couldn't help laughing at how things have changed. I am now the obnoxious pet owner! And I am kinda proud of it. ;)

Short rant about a recent realization

Since we've established that rambling is my thing, here's the next rant. 

Relationships are supposed to make you feel good about yourself, not weigh you down. A very common question boys get asked - "is she high maintenance?". Well, it turns out maintenance is not confined to romantic relationships but exists in friendships and others too. So for the purpose of this post, when I say relationship I only mean with friends or relatives or colleagues that are not romantically involved. 

So I think there are two kinds of high maintenance situations I have had in my relationships - first, I really do have to keep taking the effort to keep the relationship going and second, I *think* I have to keep taking the effort to keep the relationship going and growing.

In the first case, the friend or relative most likely has massively huge expectations of you. Why? Because you've always been available, you don't like to say no, you are one big people pleaser and you are easy going. So even if they aren't keeping their side of the bargain, you will not let go and hold grudges. In fact, even if they say something annoying, you'll just take it in your stride because you don't want to stand up for yourself. You're basically a loser. But wait.

The second case is worse. Nobody even told you about their expectations of you. You just made it all up in your mind. You just believe that if you go out of your way and be all sweet to someone, of course they'll be your fan. So instead of them having expectations of you, you are having massive expectations of them. This works out well with the genuinely good people, who actually value sweetness. But with the rest, the majority, you just lose all respect. On the contrary, being uptight makes you intimidating and therefore heavily respected.

Isn't it pretty disappointing though, that being sweet is less respected than being an asshole? If you're a people pleaser by nature, the only solution is to stop being one. I haven't yet figured out an easier solution... 

Passionate about... rambling?

Earlier today I had a discussion about chain smokers because a friend's friend's friend is apparently one, and is planning to quit. That led to a general discussion on addictions. And then passion. And then I got a little depressed. 

This has been something I've thought about a lot - passion. I like doing a lot of things but I have no passion. You know, for our wedding reception, my parents ordered a cake and decided to personalize it. Very sweet idea. So they put a Gator logo for H. Because you know, everyone knows what a crazy Gator fan he is. And then. A piano for me. A lameass piano! Why can't I have a cool passion like a favorite football team that I'd watch all day and all night? Yeah yeah I like playing the piano, but I'm neither good at it nor am I passionate about it. It's just something I like doing sometimes. You know how people forget everything else when their favorite team is playing, or when they're at a concert by their favorite band, or their favorite movie releasing time? I got nothing.

I cribbed about all this to a (patient) friend who then pointed out that I love playing games. If someone told me to play badminton or tennis all day, I probably would love that, yes. If I could go back to Muscat and play every evening with my perfect set of friends, yes I already feel excited thinking about it. When I moved to Chennai after high school, I was surprised to find absolutely no company to play. So I joined a club, and played badminton with people twice my age. Now that sounds really cool if you're a kid. But I was almost 20, so it meant I was playing with the aunties and uncles of Mylapore. And they were bloody good! I was also "selected" to be a part of the college team because there were only 3 girls in total that even wanted to play. We of course didn't win any tournaments but I loved going for them. Hmmm so maybe that is passion? Breathe.

Well, I know what you're thinking. WTF.. if your friend needs to remind you what you're passionate about, then it's probably not a passion. You're right. It probably isn't. Or maybe it is. But I just realized midway through this rambling that it doesn't matter. Everyone does not need to have a passion. It's just some weird peer pressure thing. The cliche that says "you have to find your passion and pursue it" is overrated at the least. I can just ramble on and on right here on my blog and not have any passions. And that's perfectly okay! Of course, if you are pursuing your passion and it's making you happy, then great! Congrats! For example, if you're a food critique. Or the host of a 'travel the world' show. But if your day job is to clean out the garbage cans in the city, don't get demoralized by these passion-preachers. 

Cool things I learnt this week

1. About Tunisia!

So I met this girl on the bus and we started talking. She said she was from Tunisia and that she was a graduate student. After we exchanged pleasantries, she said she is a big fan of Indian movies and that as a kid she used to watch Hindi movies with Arabic subtitles all the time. Interesting. I was thinking really hard on what I could say in return about Tunisia .. but I realized I knew nothing. I stuck to "So, Tunisia must be a really beautiful place..". She agreed and then told me proudly about the Tunisian revolution. Apparently, the recent Arab Spring originated in Tunisia. A man who was selling vegetables on the street was humiliated by a policewoman, he tried to complain to higher authorities but of no use, so he attempted to burn himself alive in front of the government headquarters. That led to widespread protests all though the country and finally their authoritarian president fled to Saudi and never came back. Soon, protests started in all the neighboring countries too leading to the wave of revolution in the middle east. Did you know it all started in Tunisia?

2.  Pimm's cup is a cocktail that has Pimm's liqueur, ginger beer, lemon juice and some cucumber juice. It's kind of a refreshing summer drink, but also very potent.

3. Fun-guy po-boys are po-boy sandwiches with deep fried mushrooms instead of sea food. Punny? Yummy too.

4. Japan is so cool. 

Do you guys know about Article 9 of their constitution? 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Article_9_of_the_Japanese_Constitution

And now their football fans! They clean up the stadiums after a match even if they've lost and even if it's not in Japan. Keep it up guys. Arigatou!

5. The polysaccharide that I've been trying to study in lab, does not run on an SDS-PAGE gel because it's probably too large. So I'm going to partially acid-hydrolyze it next.

6. While making paruppusili, after you use the mixie to grind the dal and then steam it, you got to let it dry and then use the food processor to coarse powder it. Works like magic. 

7. What a wedding anniversary feels like. 

Lots of love from friends and family, gifts, flowers, horny wishes from girlfriends, special dinner date, parents reminiscing the actual wedding ceremonies - me not so much, Facebook profile pic change to lovey dovey pic just so that everyone knows its official, a replay of the same dull witted mami jokes that were cracked one year back, a sense of accomplishment followed by wait is this really an accomplishment? and finally a feeling of gratitude for being so privileged.

8. Time flies. So don't sit on your ass and dream of a better world. Get up while you still can and do your part like the Tunisians and the Japanese.

Go Oranje! 

Childhood confessions

My favorite hobby used to be playing ping pong with Appa on our dining table on weekends. The table cloth was folded neatly and put in the middle as the net. Amma had to rearrange many of the lamps and other breakable items nearby, although some of the thrill came from "almost missing a glass vase". TGIF had a whole different meaning back then.

When I was 8, my best friend was called Kehekshan. We used to hangout all the time! She used to wear a scarf around her head that I thought was so pretty that I used to wear amma's dupatta around my head too, to be like her. We grew older and I switched schools and somehow lost touch with her. I still think about whether we may meet at some point, and what I would say to her. Would she even remember me?

I used to really like watching mushy Bollywood films and my favorite was Kuch Kuch Hota Hai.
Yes, of course I tried the Anjali haircut.

I've always been very possessive of my things. I will give it to you only if I trust you enough to take care of it. I'm told - when I was 1, my great grandmother wanted to see my new birthday dress. I gave it to her for a whole of 30 seconds and then snatched it from her to put back in my shelf safely. I was just 1! It became a running joke in my family thereafter.

This was me, on that day:

I enjoy edgy humor. If the joke is not insulting, it's not that funny. My husband doesn't like that so I try to tone it down.

On a related note, my friends have always made fun of me saying I'll end up getting married to a Balasubramanian. 

I get a little irritated when people keep talking about how naughty or how cute their kids were when little. Everyone is cute as a baby! Move on.

I am a romantic. I believe in all forms of love and it's love that keeps me going.

In Muscat, we were out on a picnic at Wadi Bani Khalid. The adults were walking slowly, but we kids couldn't contain our excitement. We ran to the wadi (a river) and jumped in. I didn't expect it to be so deep. Neither did I know how to swim, so I had started drowning. THEN! Suddenly! One of the local Omani boys appeared out of nowhere and saved me! The adrenaline rush made me jump around calling it a miracle. I was also spouting all kinds of philosophical sayings, but everyone else just told me off for being a fool to jump in without knowing how to swim. In my head it's still very filmy with my Omani hero boy. Thanks Habibi!

I started taking swimming lessons after that.

My coach died of a heart attack within a week of my joining.

I still can't swim. :(

One hot summer day, my friends and I were having a water fight in the bus (not even the school bus) and the school authorities took us to the Vice Principal's office. For a water fight outside the school!! Our parents had to come get us after that. One of the teachers told my friend "today you let a boy put water on you, tomorrow you'll let him kiss you?". Yes. Don't even get me started on the amount of moral policing that happened in school.

On a related note, somebody told the Vice Principal about all the "couples" in our batch. He called us one by one, took out his "match the following" notes and yelled at us. "Dating during your teens?? Oh my god, what a disgusting crime! Please reserve that for after you're married." Hehehe.. poor wife his was!

My favorite day in school was sports day. I used to take part in most of the events. I always had butterflies in my stomach right from the morning but would act all cool because that's how sportsmen should be! Even today, I would do anything to get a good playing partner.

My first heart break happened in grade 5 because my first crush laughed at me for getting glasses. Agreed, they made my face look funny. And no, I was not a fan of edgy humor back then.

Until I left Muscat and came to Chennai, I never knew that Tamil had so many dialects and that talking like I did would be made fun of. Of course, other forms of culture shock happened too, but save that for later.

Muscat will always hold a special place in my heart as will all the friends I made there. Here's to an awesome childhood! Cheers!

Bucket list!

I'm suffering from the opposite of Pinaciphobia right now. All I want to do is make lists and tick off what's done. So here's my bucket list!

1. Step foot on every continent
2. More specifically;
      - take the LOTR tour around New Zealand
      - spend a week in France - le vin et la fromage, les champs-elysee, le tour d'eiffel, the alps
      - catch a glimpse of the northern lights from Alaska or Norway
      - take H to Phuket and Muscat
      - trek in leh-ladakh
      - explore the secrets of the Egyptian pharaohs and the Incas
      - rameswaram
3. A chance to meet at least one of my favorite celebrities - Agassi, Rafa, Federer, Paul Mccartney, Dravid, Santanam, Santa Claus
4. Adopt another cat and a dog and a few kids.
5. Start my own biofuel company in India and live there forever, close to the parents. Alternate plan: start an awesome restaurant in India.
6. Practice hard and improve upon my rookie racket ball and tennis skills
7. Start intensely following international football and attend one of the FIFA world cups
8. Never lose touch with any of my awesome friends
9. Make sure H is always happy
10. Make sure both sets of parents don't miss us too much

Neat, that looks doable! I guess 10 is a decent number. Well, the hope for a fun future is what keeps us all going doesn't it?

I'm back!

Hello blog!

I've missed you! A lot of things have changed in my life from the time I wrote my last blog post - 

I got married!! (yes, it was like winning the lottery)

Moved 10,000 miles away from lizard-land, what fun lah

To a house filled with superhero posters and musical instruments.

Shocking as it may seem, my research got published

I now know what a quarterback does

I almost won my lab's brackets this year, but H actually won his

Rekha chithi passed away 

I got a pixie hair cut to look like her 

Adopted the most adorable cat ever

Went to a high school mini-reunion in Chicago and caught up with some awesome people

Started hating winters, Chennai I'm so ready for you 

Read a bunch of autobiographies of tennis players, liked Agassi's the most

Watched some vijaykanth padams, day-to-day conversations have never been the same hence

Still working on my tamil movie dialogues to better fit in with H's family

Realizing now the true value of living in lizard-land - India trip anytime can lah 

I'm not thaaaat racist anymore

and I love small towns in the US

Now that you've caught up, I'm going to be writing more often! Get ready!