My baby sister turns 13 today!
I remember traveling to India from Muscat, after my 10th standard board exams, to meet her for the very first time. She was less than a year old and my uncle was holding her as she watched everyone at the airport, pretty clueless about the super-excited cuddle machine that was going to attack her very soon. Meanwhile, I was impatiently wading through immigration and baggage claim, as restless as a fully filled bladder on a chilly day. After what seemed like eternity, I finally managed to get out. This part always amuses me because there is a huge crowd and everyone's invariably staring at you as you walk out with your 'travel-hair', clumsily holding on to too many bags. Anyway, my uncle and aunt were waving to me from the crowd and I ran over to them. There she was! I stretched out my hands to the little girl, for a handshake or maybe a high five or I don't know what. I guess I was expecting her to hesitate and take a while to get used to this hyper-energetic gibberish-talking stranger. But. To my utter surprise she sprung out of my uncle's hold, right into my arms and looked at me almost saying "I know you! Come on, let's go home!" Sigh. It was the cutest thing!!
Now it's been more than a decade since that day. She is growing into this beautiful teenager who is always talking on the phone with her friends or listening to Taylor Swift or watching TV or reading a mystery novel. For her 13th birthday, I've decided to gift her something slightly different - a list of things that we (wise?) adults, wish we knew at 13. It's not meant to be advice but just an interesting read to build perspective. A big big thanks to my amazing friends and family for taking the effort.
So let's get started!
Harish. from the 30 year old to the 13 -
Happy Birthday Kamya!
13! God, you’re so young!
Things I wish I knew when I was 13:
1. The parents are trying hard. They are not perfect but this is their first attempt at this parenting gig. Nobody loves unconditionally. The closest that anyone gets to being unconditional is your parents. Our upbringing may not be perfect but it was safe and solid. I regret being a brat as a kid. My parents
have my eternal gratitude now.
2. The cool kids aren’t cool all their life. Life happens and they stop being Greek gods. The world becomes bigger than them and everyone sees it. We don’t have to be them. At 30, I see that every person has become some version of cool by embracing his or her own choices.
3. Be empathetic. Be courteous. Arrogance and pride will ensure that when you fall (and you will fall several times) it hurts more than ever. Life will force you to learn to behave one way or the other; it is better to learn it before the lesson happens.
4. Things always work out. Always. Work hard but don’t worry about how it turns out. Study because you like it. Study because it is fun. If the system demands something else, it is the system’s problem. It will pass soon enough and you can get back to doing what you love. Don’t sweat this exam. Or any
exam. ;)
5. The world is big. It has people of many different types, some that we will never know of all our life. The universe is even bigger. We are just a tiny living unit on a bit-sized fleck of dust that is our galaxy – one of millions. Incredibly, we all share this condition. Perspective is everything.
Things I knew when I was 13 but should not have doubted later:
1. Do what you like doing and keep doing it. It may seem pointless and unproductive to someone else at the moment but it defines you. And it will be useful.
2. Be responsible for yourself. It is fun to experiment and fool around but things can get sour and bad pretty fast if you aren’t careful. Responsibility makes you stand out, it makes your trustworthy, it builds character and it will take you in full measure to the quality person you will grow to be.
3. Love is hard to find. Love is hard to give up. Love is challenging. Love is tough. But it is never ever painful. Love is never hurtful. Love is never hateful. Love is never deceitful. Love is always loyal. Love is always supportive. Love is always warm. Love is always merciful. Love is always accommodating. Love is always reassuring. If it does not fit these rules, it simply is not love. No exceptions.
4. Own your choices. They may be punishing but they are your choices. It will make you a bigger and better person.
5. There is no pleasing people. Be yourself, they will come around. If they don’t, they are the wrong sort.
My mom, another big fan -
Happy birthday Kams!
I have just two main wishes for my 13 year old self. I wish I had continued my dance classes as well as my interest in sports. Looking back, I feel I would have enjoyed that way more than my economics major.
Pursue your own interests.
Lots of love,
Tha
From my sweetest friend -
Dear Kamya,
1. I wish I knew that each phase of life brings its own opportunities to explore, and that I was never going to be 13 again. I would have lived every moment to the fullest without spending any time in worry and in fighting with friends! :D
I remember traveling to India from Muscat, after my 10th standard board exams, to meet her for the very first time. She was less than a year old and my uncle was holding her as she watched everyone at the airport, pretty clueless about the super-excited cuddle machine that was going to attack her very soon. Meanwhile, I was impatiently wading through immigration and baggage claim, as restless as a fully filled bladder on a chilly day. After what seemed like eternity, I finally managed to get out. This part always amuses me because there is a huge crowd and everyone's invariably staring at you as you walk out with your 'travel-hair', clumsily holding on to too many bags. Anyway, my uncle and aunt were waving to me from the crowd and I ran over to them. There she was! I stretched out my hands to the little girl, for a handshake or maybe a high five or I don't know what. I guess I was expecting her to hesitate and take a while to get used to this hyper-energetic gibberish-talking stranger. But. To my utter surprise she sprung out of my uncle's hold, right into my arms and looked at me almost saying "I know you! Come on, let's go home!" Sigh. It was the cutest thing!!
Now it's been more than a decade since that day. She is growing into this beautiful teenager who is always talking on the phone with her friends or listening to Taylor Swift or watching TV or reading a mystery novel. For her 13th birthday, I've decided to gift her something slightly different - a list of things that we (wise?) adults, wish we knew at 13. It's not meant to be advice but just an interesting read to build perspective. A big big thanks to my amazing friends and family for taking the effort.
So let's get started!
Harish. from the 30 year old to the 13 -
Happy Birthday Kamya!
13! God, you’re so young!
Things I wish I knew when I was 13:
1. The parents are trying hard. They are not perfect but this is their first attempt at this parenting gig. Nobody loves unconditionally. The closest that anyone gets to being unconditional is your parents. Our upbringing may not be perfect but it was safe and solid. I regret being a brat as a kid. My parents
have my eternal gratitude now.
2. The cool kids aren’t cool all their life. Life happens and they stop being Greek gods. The world becomes bigger than them and everyone sees it. We don’t have to be them. At 30, I see that every person has become some version of cool by embracing his or her own choices.
3. Be empathetic. Be courteous. Arrogance and pride will ensure that when you fall (and you will fall several times) it hurts more than ever. Life will force you to learn to behave one way or the other; it is better to learn it before the lesson happens.
4. Things always work out. Always. Work hard but don’t worry about how it turns out. Study because you like it. Study because it is fun. If the system demands something else, it is the system’s problem. It will pass soon enough and you can get back to doing what you love. Don’t sweat this exam. Or any
exam. ;)
5. The world is big. It has people of many different types, some that we will never know of all our life. The universe is even bigger. We are just a tiny living unit on a bit-sized fleck of dust that is our galaxy – one of millions. Incredibly, we all share this condition. Perspective is everything.
Things I knew when I was 13 but should not have doubted later:
1. Do what you like doing and keep doing it. It may seem pointless and unproductive to someone else at the moment but it defines you. And it will be useful.
2. Be responsible for yourself. It is fun to experiment and fool around but things can get sour and bad pretty fast if you aren’t careful. Responsibility makes you stand out, it makes your trustworthy, it builds character and it will take you in full measure to the quality person you will grow to be.
3. Love is hard to find. Love is hard to give up. Love is challenging. Love is tough. But it is never ever painful. Love is never hurtful. Love is never hateful. Love is never deceitful. Love is always loyal. Love is always supportive. Love is always warm. Love is always merciful. Love is always accommodating. Love is always reassuring. If it does not fit these rules, it simply is not love. No exceptions.
4. Own your choices. They may be punishing but they are your choices. It will make you a bigger and better person.
5. There is no pleasing people. Be yourself, they will come around. If they don’t, they are the wrong sort.
My mom, another big fan -
Happy birthday Kams!
I have just two main wishes for my 13 year old self. I wish I had continued my dance classes as well as my interest in sports. Looking back, I feel I would have enjoyed that way more than my economics major.
Pursue your own interests.
Lots of love,
Tha
From my sweetest friend -
Dear Kamya,
I have known you since you were
little, heard sooo much about you from Ramya through college, your cousin who
loves you so much! On your 13th birthday she decided to make you a
very special list. This isn’t preaching or boring advice. It’s telling you all
the things I wish I knew when I was 13. But at the end of it all, you can only
grow as you live life through it. So I hope you have a wonderful, fun filled
year ahead! Happy Birthday Kamya!
Things I wish I knew when I was
13:
1. I wish I knew that each phase of life brings its own opportunities to explore, and that I was never going to be 13 again. I would have lived every moment to the fullest without spending any time in worry and in fighting with friends! :D
2. I
wish I knew that grades hardly mattered as much as I thought they did. I would have spent more time on art, music and public
speaking that I still love so much, instead of spending sleepless nights stressing over my exams! When you are young, you are less afraid to
explore. As you grow older you only become more wary to try out new things.
3. Continued from the previous point. I would have enjoyed learning more, honing my curiosity and exploring the unknown. I still wish I could go back and read my middle
school history textbook or learn languages the right way. I learnt Hindi for 10
years and cannot speak it even today. If only I had focused less on grades and
more on learning!
4. I wish I had clicked more pictures with my parents and siblings!
5. I wish I had realized that being prefects and head-girls didn’t matter at all!
(Yes each time I was not selected to be a prefect, I cried! And I was never selected
a prefect :-D). When I look back today, I realize that I missed out on nothing
at all!
6. I wish I had realized that there are no standards to be above everyone else. You
don’t have to be the teacher’s favorite, you don’t have to be the popular girl,
you don’t have to be the prettiest girl, you don’t have to top your class. You just
need to be yourself and do the best of everything in your own way. It takes
all kinds of people to make this world fun and interesting. And you will enjoy
it so much more being yourself and the world will love you more as well! You
will also learn to respect everyone for their uniqueness and not only those who
fit into the moulds of cool, smart or pretty. Nobody is better than anybody
else in this world.
7. I wish I had realized that there is more good in the world than bad. People are
so much kinder than they show themselves to be. Think the best of people! That
there is so much goodness in yourself that you can use to spread more cheer.
The future holds more promises than ever. And finally that happiness comes from
putting as many smiles as you can in this world. This would have helped me love
more, make more friends and be kinder to more people around me as I grew up. Life is beautiful and you only make it
sunnier!
Love,
Your cousin’s friend who has watched you grow up!
From Upasana, my best friend from middle school -
I would tell my 13 year old self - Don't worry, your pimples will clear out on their own!
And you may make a lot of bad choices but at the end things will work out!
From Srikanth, my youth-est friend (who owns a Porsche!) -
13 things if I had known at 13, life would have turned out different. Maybe.
Happy 13th birthday!!
From my coolest friend who is also my partner in (mokk)krime -
From Devika, one of my quirkiest friends - (I really had to censor her original list)
I wish I knew that:
1. You're considered a child only till you're 15. After that you have to get 'responsible'. So enjoy school as much as you can!
2. Don't get too annoyed with your parents for trivial things because soon you'll move out of home and then you'll miss them like crazy!
3. School exams are the easiest to score in. In college it gets harder and after that life becomes an everyday exam. So enjoy studying as much as you can in school!
4. It's okay to date guys who are shorter than you in high school.
5. I wish I had learned to swim when I was younger. As you grow older it becomes more difficult to flap your legs and stay afloat.
From Ram, a friend from Singapore -
I wish I had learnt to play a musical instrument. It always keeps you good company when you're alone.
And that's all. He's a man of few words when it comes to saying something meaningful.
Just because I am older
than you, it doesn’t mean that I know more than you Kamya! There are no rules
to live life. You are your life’s own unique designer. Take as much in from
people all around you and use it to craft your own personality as you grow
older. There are no mistakes that cannot be fixed as long as you have friends
and family to pull you up (I don’t know about anyone else, but I know that
Ramya adores you!). So don’t fear to explore, fall and pick yourself up to grow
to learn more. Smile and make smile as much as you can! :)
Love,
Your cousin’s friend who has watched you grow up!
From Upasana, my best friend from middle school -
I would tell my 13 year old self - Don't worry, your pimples will clear out on their own!
And you may make a lot of bad choices but at the end things will work out!
From Srikanth, my youth-est friend (who owns a Porsche!) -
13 things if I had known at 13, life would have turned out different. Maybe.
1. If I had known fear creates more phantom than the reality itself.
2. If I had known scoring marks is not as important as understanding concepts.
3. If I had known becoming a cricketer is one in a million chance.
4. If I had known math is fun and not about memorizing a lot of numbers.
5. If I had known every individual is unique in their own way and I didn't have to follow someone else.
6. If I had known those were the days you get to play the most.
7. If I had known home food is the best that I will ever get to eat.
8. If I had known whats shown in movies, never really happens in reality.
9. If I had realized my parents aren't my biggest enemies.
10. If I had known Bhel poori isn't the only yummy chaat
11. If I had known the beach doesn't have a gate after all..Sigh..How Stupid!
12. If I had known life only gets harder from there on.
13. If I had known that I'll never be 13 again.
Happy 13th birthday!!
From my coolest friend who is also my partner in (mokk)krime -
Other than that fun trip you take with your friends to the beach or
your reaction when you see this gift, most other things will not matter
nor will you remember it when you leave your teens.. so make some good
memories you'll cherish forever :)
It
doesn't matter if everyone around you ends up wanting to be an engineer
or a doctor, you can choose to do whatever makes you come alive and
that's all that matters
If you have the chance
to learn any art form or sports activity and make it your passion, do
it.. you will be thankful for it for the rest of your life :)
Don't judge bad jokes. Mokkais rule the world!
From Devika, one of my quirkiest friends - (I really had to censor her original list)
I wish I knew that:
1. You're considered a child only till you're 15. After that you have to get 'responsible'. So enjoy school as much as you can!
2. Don't get too annoyed with your parents for trivial things because soon you'll move out of home and then you'll miss them like crazy!
3. School exams are the easiest to score in. In college it gets harder and after that life becomes an everyday exam. So enjoy studying as much as you can in school!
4. It's okay to date guys who are shorter than you in high school.
5. I wish I had learned to swim when I was younger. As you grow older it becomes more difficult to flap your legs and stay afloat.
From Ram, a friend from Singapore -
I wish I had learnt to play a musical instrument. It always keeps you good company when you're alone.
And that's all. He's a man of few words when it comes to saying something meaningful.
And finally, me -
I wish I knew that my parents are really cool people. Their advice, which I then thought was ridiculous, eventually turned out to be the right one.
I wish I knew that conversation skills are very important, not just with friends but even with people outside my comfort zone. Being a quiet person always gets misunderstood as being snobbish or uncomfortable or just lame and I wish I had more years to work on that.
I wish I had focussed on some general knowledge too, so that I could have avoided saying "Windows" when my classmate asked me which computer I had at home.
I wish I knew that I would absolutely love having a pet.
I wish I knew that while attention and praise from others is flattering, you shouldn't let it consume you because then you'll only be doing things that please them.
I wish I hadn't watched Kabhi khushi kabhi gham, Har dil jo pyaar karega, Mujhse dosti karoge, Mere yaar ki shaadi hai and a whole bunch of films in the same genre. It drastically affected my IQ.
I wish I had my own book of inspiration. A diary of sorts, where I could write down things that inspire me, make me happy, my priorities, my life lessons and goals. Reading that at times when you're low can really pull you up. Self reassurance is the only kind there is. Friends and family are only an additional support system.
And I wish I had met these characters earlier. I still try to follow their advice.
1. Oogway from Kung Fu Panda.
When the path you walk always leads back to yourself, you never get anywhere.
2. Yoda from Star Wars: The Phantom Menace.
Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.
3. Dumbledore from Harry Potter: The Chamber of Secrets.
It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
4. The White Queen from Alice in Wonderland.
You cannot live your life to please others.
With that, we come to the end of this post. The take home message in short is be yourself, don't be afraid to follow your heart, dream big and never lose the zest for life!
I hope this has been an interesting read, and wish you have a fantastic birthday sweetie!
Love you!
I wish I knew that my parents are really cool people. Their advice, which I then thought was ridiculous, eventually turned out to be the right one.
I wish I knew that conversation skills are very important, not just with friends but even with people outside my comfort zone. Being a quiet person always gets misunderstood as being snobbish or uncomfortable or just lame and I wish I had more years to work on that.
I wish I had focussed on some general knowledge too, so that I could have avoided saying "Windows" when my classmate asked me which computer I had at home.
I wish I knew that I would absolutely love having a pet.
I wish I knew that while attention and praise from others is flattering, you shouldn't let it consume you because then you'll only be doing things that please them.
I wish I hadn't watched Kabhi khushi kabhi gham, Har dil jo pyaar karega, Mujhse dosti karoge, Mere yaar ki shaadi hai and a whole bunch of films in the same genre. It drastically affected my IQ.
I wish I had my own book of inspiration. A diary of sorts, where I could write down things that inspire me, make me happy, my priorities, my life lessons and goals. Reading that at times when you're low can really pull you up. Self reassurance is the only kind there is. Friends and family are only an additional support system.
And I wish I had met these characters earlier. I still try to follow their advice.
1. Oogway from Kung Fu Panda.
When the path you walk always leads back to yourself, you never get anywhere.
2. Yoda from Star Wars: The Phantom Menace.
Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.
3. Dumbledore from Harry Potter: The Chamber of Secrets.
It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
4. The White Queen from Alice in Wonderland.
You cannot live your life to please others.
With that, we come to the end of this post. The take home message in short is be yourself, don't be afraid to follow your heart, dream big and never lose the zest for life!
I hope this has been an interesting read, and wish you have a fantastic birthday sweetie!
Love you!
